


Rewrite the history of Everything

by blackkat



Series: AsuHida Drabbles [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, First Meetings, Friendship, M/M, Missing Nin Asuma, Trans Fuu, implied but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 00:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16074173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: “Somebodywhat?” Hidan demands.“Killed three of the elders and tried to kill the headman,” Fū reports cheerfully, and grabs his arm as he wheels around, flinging herself up onto his back. Hidan grunts, staggers, but keeps moving, and Fū locks her knees around his ribs with a laugh.“Fuck, someone else got to them first?” Hidan complains. “I had dibs!”





	Rewrite the history of Everything

**Author's Note:**

> The capitalization in the title is deliberate - it's from _The King Is Dead, Long Live the King_ by Julian Randall.

“Somebody _what_?” Hidan demands.

“Killed three of the elders and tried to kill the headman,” Fū reports cheerfully, and grabs his arm as he wheels around, flinging herself up onto his back. Hidan grunts, staggers, but keeps moving, and Fū locks her knees around his ribs with a laugh.

“Fuck, someone else got to them first?” Hidan complains. “I had dibs!”

Giggling, Fū pats the top of his head—messing up his hair, Hidan knows from past experience, and swats at her hand in irritation—and says, “Well, there's still one left, and Fumi showed up before he could kill the headman, so he’s still alive, too!”

That’s unfortunate, Hidan thinks, and grabs his scythe from the tree where it’s resting, then picks up a run. He leaps from the edge of the cliff, lets a shunshin grab them, and reappears at the base of it, then skids down the path towards the edge of Yu below.

“Where were you the whole time?” he demands, elbowing Fū in the side. “Sleeping on the damn job?”

“It’s not my job to guard the headman!” Fū protests, though she doesn’t let go of him. Tugs on his hair, instead, and Hidan turns into the pull, veers off the main road to the village and plunges into the spires of rock and twisted trees that make up the western boundary. “And I was with Karin, so I couldn’t have noticed.”

“The two of you are a fucking headache,” Hidan complains, but Fū just laughs and scrambles higher on his back, hooking one knee over his shoulder even as he leaps across a line of stone spires.

“Over there!” she says, and points off to the south. “Something’s moving there!”

“It had better not be a fucking rabbit again or I'm going to sacrifice you to Jashin,” Hidan warns, but he changes direction, catches Fū’s leg when she cranes up to look, and demands, “Who’s the fucker stealing all my fun?”

“I still think killing the elders would be boring, not fun,” Fū says cheerfully. “It was some missing-nin from Konoha. Fumi told me he had a Guardian’s sash, but his hitai-ate was scratched.”

Excitement shivers down Hidan's spine, and he laughs. Konoha has all the good missing-nin, and Yu is so fucking boring most of the time that Hidan's been spoiling for a fight since his last mission. One of the Twelve Guardian Ninja, though—there's no way that’ll be a dull fight.

“You're going to stay the hell out of my way,” he warns Fū. “This one is fucking _mine_.”

“But I'm the one who told you, so I get half the bounty money,” Fū bargains, because she’s a crafty little shit.

“How the fuck is that fair?” Hidan complains, and snatches at her.

She bats his hands away, laughing, ducks the edge of his scythe, and says, “Oh _no_ , I think I lost sight of him—”

“Fucking _fine_ , I’ll give you the motherfucking money, just tell me if you see him—”

“Left!” Fū says beaming, and when Hidan twists around she adds, “Keep going, lefter, _lefter_ —”

She means behind him, Hidan realizes with a roll of his eyes. Obviously, picking her up on a mission through Taki was a _mistake_. “Off,” he snaps, and with a bright laugh Fū flips over his head, balancing in a handstand on his shoulders, then folds forward into a tumble and lands in a crouch at his feet.

“Hi!” she says happily, waving at the tall, beefy bastard watching them with narrowed eyes. “You're the missing-nin, right? We’re here to bring you in!”

The missing-nin’s eyes slide from Fū, skinny and scrawny and all of thirteen, to Hidan with his scythe and wide grin. He doesn’t look impressed in the least, and Hidan snickers, leveling his weapon in the man’s face. “What the princess said,” he agrees, then tells Fū, “Make sure that bitch doesn’t try to butt in, all right?”

“Fumi’s going to beat you up for calling her that!” Fū warns, but she bounces up on top of a spire of stone, perching there like a dragonfly as she keeps an eye on the road.

“Fumi won't know unless you tell her, you fucking snitch,” Hidan retorts, and Fū beams at him, unrepentant.

With a soft snort, the missing-nin shifts his weight, balancing on the balls of his feet, and gives Hidan another once-over, lingering on the hitai-ate around his neck. “Fumi,” he says. “That would be the jounin commander of Yugakure, I assume? Did she send you out to get revenge for your council?”

“The only revenge I’d be looking for is you doing a shitty job of killing the Headman,” Hidan laughs, and pulls his coat off, tossing it up to Fū. She catches it and immediately puts it on, dragging the furry hood up around her face. When Hidan flips her off, she giggles and burrows deeper into it without a care. Hidan is _never_ going to get all the glitter out of it, that’s for fucking certain.

“Shitty?” the missing-nin asks, and hums. He pulls a pair of blades from their sheathes, slipping his fingers through the grips and bringing them up, like a challenge. That smirk is _entirely_ a challenge, and Hidan likes it a hell of a lot. “If you’d like I can head back and try again.”

“Sure,” Hidan says, grinning right back. “I'm down for that. The princess and I’ll wait right here, if you want.”

Brown eyes slide from Hidan to Fū, who waves, and back again. His mouth tightens faintly, and he says, “So much for a loyal jounin.”

“Fuck you,” Hidan snaps, suddenly _far_ less amused. “I'm fucking loyal or I wouldn’t still be in this village. But I can think the Headman’s a piece of shit without being a damned traitor.”

The missing-nin pauses, eyes narrowing, and then breathes out, a heavy huff that’s more amusement than anything. “Loyalty to your village over its leaders?” he says, and this time the sweep of his gaze is slower, more carefully assessing as he takes Hidan in. “That doesn’t work in the real world.”

“It’s fucking good enough for me,” Hidan says, and laughs, hooking a thumb at Fū. “We make it work.”

“Loyalty to a place is good!” Fū says cheerfully, and flaps the sleeves of Hidan's jacket where they fall over her hands. “But loyalty to a place is really just loyalty to the people you like, isn’t it? And we like Fumi and Oroshi and Raku and—”

“Speak for yourself,” Hidan huffs, and Fū laughs.

“Well,” the missing-nin says, tone cool even though his eyes are sharp. “You’re idealistic.”

“And you're a missing-nin,” Hidan retorts. “I think I got the better end of the deal here, asshole. At least I've got a steady paycheck.”

The man snorts, pulls the cigarette from his mouth, and crushes it underfoot. “I'm Sarutobi Asuma,” he says mildly.

“….Who?” Hidan asks, squinting.

There's a blur, and Fū suddenly collides with his back, grabs his shoulders and hauls herself up. “He’s the one who killed Fire Country’s Daimyō!” she says urgently, right in his ear. “Hidan, Hidan, that’s the Hokage's son!”

“What the _fuck_ ,” Hidan demands, pulling back for half a second. But—that explains the sash, and how he used to be a Guardian Ninja, doesn’t it? “Fū—”

Fū leaps without needing another warning, and Hidan lunges, sweeping his scythe around in a wide arc. Jashin’s amulet bumps his collarbone, and he thinks _one hit_ —

Asuma is fast, though, faster than Hidan expects. He drops beneath Hidan's blow, slams up, and a blade just misses Hidan's throat. He swears, letting the scythe’s weight drag him out of the path, then landing lightly and swinging around, jerking at the cable. It leaps up, almost tangling Asuma's feet as he darts back, but Asuma doesn’t pause, brings his hands up to his mouth and breathes out a surge of black powder. A spark—

“Ha!” Light bursts, blinding-bright, and Fū bounces from one spire to the next as Asuma recoils, eyes clamped shut. Hidan cackles, passes beneath Fū as she grins, and brings the blades sweeping around again. Asuma ducks them, lashes out with a foot and catches Hidan in the side, but Hidan turns with it, keeps moving, uses the moment to come in for another blow, hard and fast. He skims cloth, misses flesh as a burst of Fuuton chakra redirects his scythe, and curses again. Twists sharply, and at the same moment there's a cry, high and startled.

“Fū!” Hidan snaps, and just catches sight of her as she drops behind a rock, pulled down. She’s _fine_ , he knows what she can do, but—

“Pay attention,” a voice says in his ear, and Asuma slams him down onto the ground, pins him there, wrenching his hands up behind his back, and Hidan snarls, throws himself back but can't budge the bastard.

“Fucker, get the _fuck off_ ,” Hidan snaps, kicking back.

“Ever seen a clone made out of explosive powder?” Asuma asks, flat and unwavering. “I can detonate it from here.”

Of course that’s what grabbed Fū. Of fucking _course_. Hidan snarls again, but goes still, and demands, “What the fuck are you waiting for, shithead?”

“I filled my contract,” Asuma tells him. “I killed Elder Uneri. All I want is to get out of Hot Springs Country now. Let’s not make this harder than it has to be.”

“Like _hell_ ,” Hidan says, pissed, and tries again to throw him off, but he’s at precisely the wrong angle and Asuma's got a hell of a lot of weight on him. “Yu doesn’t give me a lot of fun missions, and getting to slit the throat of the man who killed a Daimyō—”

“I was framed,” Asuma says, short and sharp, and Hidan goes still, blinking.

“Framed?” he repeats suspiciously, craning his head around to look at Asuma. Asuma just raises a brow at him, shoving his cheek deeper into the dirt, but it’s not enough to deter Hidan. He wriggles, kicks Asuma's ankle, and demands loudly, “Who the fuck would frame a _Guardian_?”

There's a pause as Asuma frowns down at him. “Another Guardian,” Asuma says darkly, but—it’s faintly wary, too. “Are you going to—”

“Hidan!” Fū shouts, and there's another blinding burst of her Scale Powder. She leaps right through the cloud, hits Asuma feet-first and knocks him right off Hidan's back, and he rolls with a grunt, comes back to his feet even as Hidan catches Fū under one arm and twists upright. With a heave, Hidan tosses her up on top of another spire, and she catches hold of it, landing easily.

Hidan smears dirt off his cheek, then spits out a stray pebble. He stares at Asuma for a long moment, and he _wants_ the fight, but—

“You were fucking _framed_?” he demands again.

“What?” Fū asks, surprised.

Asuma pauses again, then smirks, thinly amused. “Are you saying you _believe_ me?” he asks.

Hidan blinks, glances up at Fū, who shrugs one shoulder. “Why the fuck wouldn’t we?” he asks. “It’s not like we’ve got shit to do with you, or with Fire Country. We’re still supposed to bring you back to Yu even if you're actually the fucking Daimyō himself.”

Asuma takes a step back, eyes widening, and laughs, rusty and low. He shakes his head, then lifts a hand, pressing the heel of his palm to his forehead. “You believe me,” he repeats, incredulous. “My own _father_ thinks I killed the Daimyō.”

“Guess I'm smarter than the Hokage,” Hidan snickers. He picks up his scythe, slinging it over his shoulder, and reflects a little sadly that even taking a swing at Asuma right now won't restart the fight. Asuma's got a _talking_ kind of face on. Hidan hates those. Fumi has one, too. It’s the only reason Hidan ever stayed in the village to begin with. Well, that and Fū. She’s a little shit, but Hidan doesn’t actively want to kill her most of the time.

“I guess you are.” Asuma drops his hand, lifts his gaze to Hidan again, and there's something in his face that’s so mixed up Hidan can't even begin to read it. Slides into something intent, a little sharp, and he steps forward. Fū shifts like she’s about to lunge, but Asuma just raises a hand, slides his blades away. Stops there, two paces from Hidan, and then says, “You're the first person who’s believed me.”

This seems to be a sticking point for him. Hidan rubs the back of his head with a huff, then says, “Look, I'm a fucking blockhead, but—”

“Thank you,” Asuma says, stepping close. He leans in, catching Hidan's face in one hand, and kisses him, hard and brief and _hot_ , one moment of heat with tongues tangled and the scratch of his beard against Hidan's face. Hidan sucks in a startled breath, has half a moment to tilt his head up and kiss back, and then Asuma is gone, vanishing in a whirl of leaves and wind. Hidan staggers a step after him, then pulls up short, pressing a hand to his mouth in shock.

“Oh,” Fū says, and then, “ _Oh_!” twice as gleefully. She leaps down, grabbing Hidan's arm, and tugs at him with jinchuuriki strength. “Hidan, did you just get _thank you kissed_?”

Hidan's lips feel oversensitive, and his face is hot. The scrape of Asuma's beard left prickles across his skin, enough to make him shiver, and he swallows hard, rubs his hand across his mouth. “Fuck me, I think I did,” he says, stunned.

Fū beams at him, bright and happy. “Good!” she says, and slides her hand down to grip his. “You deserve _all_ the thank you kisses. And Asuma seems nice! We’re going after him, right? We’re going to help him?”

“Not _everyone_ is our fucking friend,” Hidan says, for probably somewhere around the millionth time, but—this time he maybe means it less than normal. He stares at the spot where Asuma disappeared, thinks of Yu’s suspicions when the Chinoike Clan turned up dead. Hidan hadn’t been _framed_ for that, but the suspicion on him had been bad enough. His jounin instructor had believed him, though, and Fumi had enough pull to get people to look into what actually happened. It sounds like Asuma doesn’t have that, or even anything close.

“Fumi ordered us to catch him, right?” he asks, glancing down at Fū, who smiles back, bright and full of mischief.

“Yeah, she did,” she agrees, turns her grin into a mostly-unconvincing pout. “But we failed. He got away.”

“We suck,” Hidan agrees, and grins right back. “Guess we’ll just have to go after him and makes sure we don’t fail next time.”

Fū laughs. “What if we end up finding out who _really_ killed the Daimyō?” she asks.

“Fucking pain in the ass,” is Hidan's verdict. “But if that’s the way shit goes, that’s the way shit goes. We just have to drag Asuma back eventually.”

“Adventure time!” Fū cheers, and when Hidan heads after the fading traces of Asuma's shunshin, she falls into step without hesitation. “Hey, hey, if we figure out who killed the Daimyō you might get another thank you kiss!”

“I’d fucking better,” Hidan agrees, laughing.

When Fū leaps up he catches her knee, helps haul her up onto his back. She locks her legs around his sides, presses a loud kiss to his cheek, and says, “That’s _my_ thank you kiss for you.”

“You're a little shit, princess,” Hidan tells her, but he squeezes her knee and she laughs, leaning over his shoulder with an arm hooked around his neck.

“Thanks, Hidan,” she says softly, and green hair comes to rest against his cheek. “I'm glad I'm your princess.”

Hidan snickers. “Anyone who can't see you're a princess is a fucking idiot.”

Fū giggles, squeezing his neck, and then rocks forward, planting her hands on his shoulders as she peers ahead of them. “Just like people who don’t believe Asuma?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Hidan agrees. “You kill a daimyō, you’ve fucking got bragging rights for the rest of your fucking life. Saying shit like _it wasn’t me_ sure as fuck means it wasn’t you.”

With a hum of agreement, Fū tilts her head. “Whoever hired him wanted Elder Uneri dead. If we can find who that was, we can probably find Asuma.”

Hidan was just planning to track Asuma from here to wherever his employer was, but Fū’s idea is probably easier than following an experienced jounin across territory Hidan isn't familiar with. “He said he was getting out of Hot Springs Country, right?” Hidan asks. “So the asshole’s probably in Fire Country. Who did Uneri piss off in Fire Country?”

“Let’s go find out!” Fū cheers, and Hidan laughs, but picks up his pace.


End file.
